Musings about the "Mental Load"

Alas, it happened again. My husband and I bicker about expectations and household management. He’d like me to communicate my needs, but I need him to just know what needs to be done. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but the act of noticing or remembering what needs to be done all the time creates so much mental exhaustion. And then taking the extra step to delegate those tasks typically takes more effort than just doing them myself.

It’s a real thing called the “Mental Load” many women are taxed with, even when working full time. Is it time to buy more toilet paper? Did I get the kids nice outfits to wear for the holidays yet? You know what I mean, right? Much has been written about the “Mental Load.” There’s even a comic about it (that’s pretty spot on.)

It’s not that I care so much about an equal division of labor between my husband and I (I’ll always end up on ahead because I was pregnant and gave birth twice!) It’s more about sharing the burden of the mental load. I’m pretty sure he’s never once stressed out about if we’ll run out of toilet paper, like I have. Feeling like I have a partner to pick up my slack both with physical chores and mental ones is to me, where to find harmony in a relationship.

For now, I try everything I can to lessen the effects of the “Mental Load” on my emotional health. Meditation, breath work, crystals, Ashwaganda – there isn’t a form of wellness I won’t try. What I’ve learned is that no matter the practice, it will work if you assign meaning and believe. These changing perspectives have given me so much clarity and peace. If you would have asked me three years ago if I were the type to own crystals to help balance my chakras, I would have laughed in your face. Do they heal my migraines or will they cure world hunger? No. But I’ve assigned meaning to them so my entire set, in a variety of colors, all lie neatly on my nightstand so they can work whatever magic they may, while I sleep.

I am the type to think and feel so hard that somedays it feels like a marathon for my mind. Wether it’s a form or control, or just surrender, the work I do every day to let my brain “just be” has lessened my load tremendously. After all, don’t we all just want to be loved, and do meaningful work we care about? So for me, it’s time to refocus on work I enjoy and loosen my grip on the “Mental Load” because if I do forget something we so urgently need, Amazon will have it at my door in two days, or a nice person at Target can run it out to my car for me within two hours. What an amazing world we live in!