I originally wrote this for the Interwovxn newsletter - a podcast and community for women in middle life, but wanted to share it here too as I inch another year closer to middle age.

I had someone give me the best compliment the other day. I was saying how I’ve met so many nice people lately through a new club affiliation. She said, “Well don’t discount what you bring when making new connections. Your openness and authenticity make it easy for people to talk with you.” I was so flattered and had honestly never considered my role in this process. 

As we age, we tend to get hung up on physical and physiological changes. Now that I am over 40, I am trying to stay focused on being more self aware and confident. This forces me to present myself more authentically and in turn, attract those types of relationships. Don’t get me wrong, there are also plenty of days that I feel and look like a hot mess as the responsibilities continue to pile up the older I get. My self-care routine has become what feels like a part time job. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and money in my HSA account to pay for all the therapies I want and need: psychotherapy, reiki, chiropractic, IV, massage and more.

• I have been wrestling with the idea of slowing down and surrendering to see if it will provide some insight into my chronic pain. Then I heard this on the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast and it really clicked. I am going to paraphrase what Glennon and Abby shared:

• As humans, we need time and space to return to our primal needs. -Staying busy distracts us from listening to what’s really going on inside us.

• There is something inside our lives that is pushing us in a certain way. What is going on in and under your life that is making no space or no desire for healthy habits? (It’s not a lack of knowledge!)

• Desire and habit have to be formed in a lot of ways. We all want to get to a place where the desire just comes, but sometimes it doesn’t. 

• You can create the behavior by desiring the outcome and then discipline leads to desire.

I’ve been putting too much stock in my emotional state as it fluctuates these days faster than denim trends. It’s probably perimenopause, but who really knows? Emotions can make us so biased to the state of our lives. You can’t use it to measure self worth, because it can be purely a survival mechanism. I am trying to remember that emotions are just fleeting sensations and maybe an indicator of what I need to let go of. 

Suffering is, afterall, a symptom of the human condition. I’m not really doing anything wrong. Very often, all problems have the same, simple solution – like a shift in perspective. And sometimes the question you’re so desperately seeking an answer to may not have an answer at all.   My dearest friend Cristina likes to remind me, “This didn’t happen to you, it happened for you.” It comes from an old Chinese parable that is all about perspective.

So maybe the wisdom that comes with age that leads to an acceptance of what is can free you from your stress, heartache and suffering. Sounds like a benefit to me.